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ethiaTitle: like monsters, we
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Incest.
Notes: Very general spoilers for season 5, nothing specific.
tracks / ficlets
01 The Veils, Lions After Slumber (Scritti Politti cover)
my home and my wall
So much lost and sometimes Dean doesn’t know how to hold himself together anymore. Hides his eyes from Sam, but Sam knows anyway, can read it in the tension of his shoulders, hear it in the strain of Dean’s breathing. Sits down on the bed right next to Dean, thigh to thigh and shoulder to shoulder, thumb tracing the back of Dean’s hand, and when he kisses Dean the loss isn’t gone but now it’s shared, a pain that passes between them, back and forth, until it’s lighter, easier to bear, and Dean remembers that he’s got something to hold on to, and relaxes into Sam’s embrace.
02 Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Weight Of The World
as I struggle to be whole
It’s getting harder, that small word falling from his lips every other week. Around them, the world is falling into despair, pieces of it breaking away into chaos one at a time, and Dean struggles not to feel that burden of guilt settling heavily around his heart. Sam fills his silences with jibes and taunts and childhood memories, soothes the strain each night with his body wrapped tightly around Dean’s until all he can feel is Sam stretching into him, heat and pressure and pain and Sam, that one part of the world he keeps saying no for.
03 Copeland, No One Really Wins (acoustic)
in the fight between my heart and mind
Fist to the wall and it hurts like a mother, skin stretching thin and bursting open across his knuckles. Sam doesn’t flinch; he lets out a long breath, fingers trembling on Dean’s cheek, getting surer when they curl around the curve of Dean’s skull, pulling him closer for that second kiss, the one they can’t blame on adrenaline or nerves or hormones acting up. Dean lets him, goes willingly this time, mouth hard and unforgiving against Sam’s, like a warning, the last chance out. Sam’s mouth is an open smile, and Dean lets himself sink into it until he no longer feels the throb and ache of his bruised fist.
04 Archie Bronson Outfit, Dart For My Sweetheart
only you can remove such an ache
Sam returns from school with a split lip and a bruise on his temple, cheeks flushing crimson when Dean asks him what happened. He won’t tell, just ducks his head and clenches his fist, and Dean feels his fingers twitch with that eternal urge to protect his little brother, even though Sam’s taller than him by half a head now. Dean doesn’t say a thing, not even how proud he is of Sam for standing his ground; he gets Sam some ice for his lip instead, fingertips grazing the bruised skin, eyes alight with warmth and the smile that only Sam knows exist.
05 Elbow, Red (acoustic)
you’ve got nothing to prove
Dean’s fingers thread through Sam’s hair, lazy gentle strokes, and Sam sighs a breath against the side of Dean’s neck, whispers his apology into Dean’s skin. His fingers tug at the hem of Dean’s shirt, one thumb grazing along the length of skin just above the waist of his jeans, and Dean shudders, and breathes out ‘yes’ and ‘okay’ and then they’re slipping back into that old familiar thing between them, heat and pressure and fitting just right, and Dean thinks that maybe, maybe finding a new trust in Sam won’t be so hard at all.
06 Elvis Perkins, All The Night Without Love
in the darkened lonely corners
Six months and they break, shattered by the distance between brothers and lovers. Sam pulls him into the shadows of a darkened alley, mouth searing and hands sliding under clothes, desperate for touches other than the clap of a shoulder or the soothing of a strained muscle. Dean is pliant under this onslaught of want, lets Sam have this the same way Sam will give in to him time and time again, and when Sam pushes into him with a sob of relief, Dean wonders if what they share is weakness or strength, and if the difference matters at all.
07 Kashmir, Rocket Brothers
upon the verge of breaking into separate parts
Mouth on mouth and Dean doesn’t remember a time when it wasn’t like this, wasn’t him and Sammy pressing close, sharing heat and touch and breath. He slides his palm across Sam’s skin, re-learning the shape and feel of every scar in his path. Hides his face in the crook of Sam’s arm and smiles around the ache in his heart when Sam kisses the top of his head, lips lingering like they have all the time in the world. They don’t, but they have now, and Dean means to hold on for as long as he can.
08 Lambchop, This Corrosion (Sister of Mercy cover)
heel to haunch on bended knees
His gaze drops to Sam’s mouth, just a flicker of the eye but of course Sam picks up on that, licks his lips and pulls them into that wicked smile that makes Dean’s dick harden against his thigh. Sam’s all grace as he drops to his knees, presses his cheek to Dean’s thigh, fingers tracing the outline of his cock, light and slow and curious like they’ve never done this before. Then the heat of Sam’s mouth seeps through the fabric of Dean’s pants, makes him gasp, fingers clutching at the bedspread, and Sam’s gaze is dark and warm as he looks up, and Dean is helpless, lost,and has never been so glad for it.
09 The Raconteurs, You Don’t Understand Me
how can you know me and I know you
It’s a fight all the way, all the time. Sam’s fed up with listening to the same five tapes all over, and Dean won’t stop bitching about the way Sam drives. Dean steals food from Sam’s plate, and Sam always throws his stuff on the bed by the window. Sam will get them started with a look or a touch, and Dean will end up on top, slow moves and light kisses until Sam’s desperate enough to beg. They’ll share the bed by the window, and Sam’ll order a side of bacon for breakfast, not bothering to bat away Dean’s greasy fingers. Dean will hand the car keys to him, and later fall asleep in the passenger seat to the sound of a song he hates, face smoothed into a smile. And so it goes, a fight all the way, all the time.
10 The Gaslight Anthem, The Backseat (acoustic)
we rode the fever out of Austin
It’s an awkward fit, the two of them in the back of the Impala, Sam with his gangly legs and Dean with a body that won’t stop moving into Sam’s frantic touches. They rub and rock and rise and fall in silence, with the windows rolled down so Dad won’t smell anything but leather and gun oil in the morning. The heat in the air doesn’t slow them down; Sam licks the sweat out of the hollow at the base of Dean’s throat, and Dean arches up up up, almost feeling the curl of that tongue around the head of his dick, wet heat on hard flesh, and comes with Sam’s hand sealed tightly over his mouth, keeping him silent, keeping them safe.
11 Florence And The Machine, Howl
my blood is singing with your voice
Dean strains but the bounds don’t give. Above him, Sam is smiling, fingertips brushing lightly across Dean’s chest, a touch that’s barely there but sets his skin on fire. Dean doesn’t beg, forces himself to be silent and still because this is about Sam giving and Dean taking. Sam leans closer, breathing hotly against the shell of Dean’s ear, tip of his tongue tracing the curves and swirls, chest rising and falling against Dean’s, the slowest rub of skin on skin. ‘Dean’ Sam whispers, ‘I’ll take such good care of you’, and Dean shudders, and lets himself fall into Sam’s promise.
12 Sons And Daughters, Monsters (acoustic)
and then we ask what kind of love we have
Dean says stop and Sam bites his lip, draws blood and licks it up until Dean no longer remembers to hold back, pushing into Sam with all his strength, hard enough to hurt and make Sam gasp. ‘Please’ Sam says, nails scraping along the back of Dean’s neck, ‘please’ and Dean forgets about taking things slow, about this being the last time he gives in to Sam, forgets about everything but Sam underneath him, his to take and hold and protect.
13 The Duke Spirit, Love Is An Unfamiliar Name
and it won’t let me sleep
Should be awkward but it’s not, waking up with Sam in his arms like this, dried come itching on his skin. He moves and Sam follows, molding himself to the shape of Dean’s body, sleep-warm limbs tangling with his brother’s. Dean listens to him breathe, no different than years and years before, just closer now, and more immediate. No longer just a soothing sound, but warmth that washes over his skin, chipping away at that last line between them. Sam’s lips move on his shoulder, whisper-warm on his skin, nonsense words that make Dean smile, and he lets himself drift off again, all thoughts of sneaking back into his own bed forgotten.
14 The Organ, Brother
lie down in a field if you can
They lie hidden from the world, all sunwarm skin and lazy limbs, the sound of Sam’s breathing swallowed by the sweep and rush of the corn stalks swaying above them. Dean traces his lips along the curve of Sam’s jaw, kisses the corners of Sam’s smile, laughs when Sam tickles the tip of a dried leaf across the fine sheen of dust on his back. ‘Come here’ he breathes and rolls them over, Sam a welcome weight on top of him, eyes shining with mirth as he bends down for a slow kiss.
15 Placebo, Running Up That Hill (Kate Bush cover)
there’s a thunder in our hearts
Outside, rain pounds and wind howls. Inside, the air tastes of electricity, crackling with potential and a force straining to be released. They move slowly, back to chest, Sam’s hand splayed on Dean’s chest, fingers curled protectively over the thundering of Dean’s heart. ‘Shh’, he makes, and Dean struggles to slow himself, drawing out the roll of his hips into the slippery-tight coil of Sam’s fingers around his dick. ‘Not yet’, Sam breathes, mouth dragging wet and open across Dean’s skin, and Dean keens along with the wailing of the wind, Sam’s touches slipping under his skin like a current, and he hangs on to the sound of Sam’s voice, guiding him toward his release.
16 UNKLE feat. The Duke Spirit, Mayday
I ebb and you flow
Back burrowed in the sand and a pebble bites into the softness just beneath his shoulder blade; he’s cold where the water laps at his skin, hot where Sam’s skin covers his own, palms cupping the sides of his face, steadying him against the rise and fall of the ocean around them, the pull and tug and burn of Sam’s body moving against his own. Sam’s kisses taste of salt and Sam, a sharp-warm flavor that Dean licks out of Sam’s mouth and breathes back into his brother, filling and being filled, that endless give and take between them, the land and the sea and nothing in between.
[bonus:]
17 Will Oldham, Am I Demon (Danzig cover)
faces of a million hells
The promise goes like this: say yes, and I will take away his memories. Forty years of pain erased, the guilt taken away, and your brother will be whole again. Sam says no, of course he does, with lips trembling around the sound, and he barely even means it. Later, when he lies with his face pressed against Dean’s chest, and Dean whispers ‘are you all right’ into his hair, Sam mouthes yes into his skin, fingers tracing the hand-shaped scar on Dean’s arm, and he knows Dean can see through his lie as easily as Lucifer did. I’m sorry, he thinks, I’m sorry for wanting to fail you, and more sorry still for not being able to.
Resources:
Promo pic from jraunlimited.com, textures by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
elli, other resources here.
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Incest.
Notes: Very general spoilers for season 5, nothing specific.
tracks / ficlets
01 The Veils, Lions After Slumber (Scritti Politti cover)
my home and my wall
So much lost and sometimes Dean doesn’t know how to hold himself together anymore. Hides his eyes from Sam, but Sam knows anyway, can read it in the tension of his shoulders, hear it in the strain of Dean’s breathing. Sits down on the bed right next to Dean, thigh to thigh and shoulder to shoulder, thumb tracing the back of Dean’s hand, and when he kisses Dean the loss isn’t gone but now it’s shared, a pain that passes between them, back and forth, until it’s lighter, easier to bear, and Dean remembers that he’s got something to hold on to, and relaxes into Sam’s embrace.
02 Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Weight Of The World
as I struggle to be whole
It’s getting harder, that small word falling from his lips every other week. Around them, the world is falling into despair, pieces of it breaking away into chaos one at a time, and Dean struggles not to feel that burden of guilt settling heavily around his heart. Sam fills his silences with jibes and taunts and childhood memories, soothes the strain each night with his body wrapped tightly around Dean’s until all he can feel is Sam stretching into him, heat and pressure and pain and Sam, that one part of the world he keeps saying no for.
03 Copeland, No One Really Wins (acoustic)
in the fight between my heart and mind
Fist to the wall and it hurts like a mother, skin stretching thin and bursting open across his knuckles. Sam doesn’t flinch; he lets out a long breath, fingers trembling on Dean’s cheek, getting surer when they curl around the curve of Dean’s skull, pulling him closer for that second kiss, the one they can’t blame on adrenaline or nerves or hormones acting up. Dean lets him, goes willingly this time, mouth hard and unforgiving against Sam’s, like a warning, the last chance out. Sam’s mouth is an open smile, and Dean lets himself sink into it until he no longer feels the throb and ache of his bruised fist.
04 Archie Bronson Outfit, Dart For My Sweetheart
only you can remove such an ache
Sam returns from school with a split lip and a bruise on his temple, cheeks flushing crimson when Dean asks him what happened. He won’t tell, just ducks his head and clenches his fist, and Dean feels his fingers twitch with that eternal urge to protect his little brother, even though Sam’s taller than him by half a head now. Dean doesn’t say a thing, not even how proud he is of Sam for standing his ground; he gets Sam some ice for his lip instead, fingertips grazing the bruised skin, eyes alight with warmth and the smile that only Sam knows exist.
05 Elbow, Red (acoustic)
you’ve got nothing to prove
Dean’s fingers thread through Sam’s hair, lazy gentle strokes, and Sam sighs a breath against the side of Dean’s neck, whispers his apology into Dean’s skin. His fingers tug at the hem of Dean’s shirt, one thumb grazing along the length of skin just above the waist of his jeans, and Dean shudders, and breathes out ‘yes’ and ‘okay’ and then they’re slipping back into that old familiar thing between them, heat and pressure and fitting just right, and Dean thinks that maybe, maybe finding a new trust in Sam won’t be so hard at all.
06 Elvis Perkins, All The Night Without Love
in the darkened lonely corners
Six months and they break, shattered by the distance between brothers and lovers. Sam pulls him into the shadows of a darkened alley, mouth searing and hands sliding under clothes, desperate for touches other than the clap of a shoulder or the soothing of a strained muscle. Dean is pliant under this onslaught of want, lets Sam have this the same way Sam will give in to him time and time again, and when Sam pushes into him with a sob of relief, Dean wonders if what they share is weakness or strength, and if the difference matters at all.
07 Kashmir, Rocket Brothers
upon the verge of breaking into separate parts
Mouth on mouth and Dean doesn’t remember a time when it wasn’t like this, wasn’t him and Sammy pressing close, sharing heat and touch and breath. He slides his palm across Sam’s skin, re-learning the shape and feel of every scar in his path. Hides his face in the crook of Sam’s arm and smiles around the ache in his heart when Sam kisses the top of his head, lips lingering like they have all the time in the world. They don’t, but they have now, and Dean means to hold on for as long as he can.
08 Lambchop, This Corrosion (Sister of Mercy cover)
heel to haunch on bended knees
His gaze drops to Sam’s mouth, just a flicker of the eye but of course Sam picks up on that, licks his lips and pulls them into that wicked smile that makes Dean’s dick harden against his thigh. Sam’s all grace as he drops to his knees, presses his cheek to Dean’s thigh, fingers tracing the outline of his cock, light and slow and curious like they’ve never done this before. Then the heat of Sam’s mouth seeps through the fabric of Dean’s pants, makes him gasp, fingers clutching at the bedspread, and Sam’s gaze is dark and warm as he looks up, and Dean is helpless, lost,and has never been so glad for it.
09 The Raconteurs, You Don’t Understand Me
how can you know me and I know you
It’s a fight all the way, all the time. Sam’s fed up with listening to the same five tapes all over, and Dean won’t stop bitching about the way Sam drives. Dean steals food from Sam’s plate, and Sam always throws his stuff on the bed by the window. Sam will get them started with a look or a touch, and Dean will end up on top, slow moves and light kisses until Sam’s desperate enough to beg. They’ll share the bed by the window, and Sam’ll order a side of bacon for breakfast, not bothering to bat away Dean’s greasy fingers. Dean will hand the car keys to him, and later fall asleep in the passenger seat to the sound of a song he hates, face smoothed into a smile. And so it goes, a fight all the way, all the time.
10 The Gaslight Anthem, The Backseat (acoustic)
we rode the fever out of Austin
It’s an awkward fit, the two of them in the back of the Impala, Sam with his gangly legs and Dean with a body that won’t stop moving into Sam’s frantic touches. They rub and rock and rise and fall in silence, with the windows rolled down so Dad won’t smell anything but leather and gun oil in the morning. The heat in the air doesn’t slow them down; Sam licks the sweat out of the hollow at the base of Dean’s throat, and Dean arches up up up, almost feeling the curl of that tongue around the head of his dick, wet heat on hard flesh, and comes with Sam’s hand sealed tightly over his mouth, keeping him silent, keeping them safe.
11 Florence And The Machine, Howl
my blood is singing with your voice
Dean strains but the bounds don’t give. Above him, Sam is smiling, fingertips brushing lightly across Dean’s chest, a touch that’s barely there but sets his skin on fire. Dean doesn’t beg, forces himself to be silent and still because this is about Sam giving and Dean taking. Sam leans closer, breathing hotly against the shell of Dean’s ear, tip of his tongue tracing the curves and swirls, chest rising and falling against Dean’s, the slowest rub of skin on skin. ‘Dean’ Sam whispers, ‘I’ll take such good care of you’, and Dean shudders, and lets himself fall into Sam’s promise.
12 Sons And Daughters, Monsters (acoustic)
and then we ask what kind of love we have
Dean says stop and Sam bites his lip, draws blood and licks it up until Dean no longer remembers to hold back, pushing into Sam with all his strength, hard enough to hurt and make Sam gasp. ‘Please’ Sam says, nails scraping along the back of Dean’s neck, ‘please’ and Dean forgets about taking things slow, about this being the last time he gives in to Sam, forgets about everything but Sam underneath him, his to take and hold and protect.
13 The Duke Spirit, Love Is An Unfamiliar Name
and it won’t let me sleep
Should be awkward but it’s not, waking up with Sam in his arms like this, dried come itching on his skin. He moves and Sam follows, molding himself to the shape of Dean’s body, sleep-warm limbs tangling with his brother’s. Dean listens to him breathe, no different than years and years before, just closer now, and more immediate. No longer just a soothing sound, but warmth that washes over his skin, chipping away at that last line between them. Sam’s lips move on his shoulder, whisper-warm on his skin, nonsense words that make Dean smile, and he lets himself drift off again, all thoughts of sneaking back into his own bed forgotten.
14 The Organ, Brother
lie down in a field if you can
They lie hidden from the world, all sunwarm skin and lazy limbs, the sound of Sam’s breathing swallowed by the sweep and rush of the corn stalks swaying above them. Dean traces his lips along the curve of Sam’s jaw, kisses the corners of Sam’s smile, laughs when Sam tickles the tip of a dried leaf across the fine sheen of dust on his back. ‘Come here’ he breathes and rolls them over, Sam a welcome weight on top of him, eyes shining with mirth as he bends down for a slow kiss.
15 Placebo, Running Up That Hill (Kate Bush cover)
there’s a thunder in our hearts
Outside, rain pounds and wind howls. Inside, the air tastes of electricity, crackling with potential and a force straining to be released. They move slowly, back to chest, Sam’s hand splayed on Dean’s chest, fingers curled protectively over the thundering of Dean’s heart. ‘Shh’, he makes, and Dean struggles to slow himself, drawing out the roll of his hips into the slippery-tight coil of Sam’s fingers around his dick. ‘Not yet’, Sam breathes, mouth dragging wet and open across Dean’s skin, and Dean keens along with the wailing of the wind, Sam’s touches slipping under his skin like a current, and he hangs on to the sound of Sam’s voice, guiding him toward his release.
16 UNKLE feat. The Duke Spirit, Mayday
I ebb and you flow
Back burrowed in the sand and a pebble bites into the softness just beneath his shoulder blade; he’s cold where the water laps at his skin, hot where Sam’s skin covers his own, palms cupping the sides of his face, steadying him against the rise and fall of the ocean around them, the pull and tug and burn of Sam’s body moving against his own. Sam’s kisses taste of salt and Sam, a sharp-warm flavor that Dean licks out of Sam’s mouth and breathes back into his brother, filling and being filled, that endless give and take between them, the land and the sea and nothing in between.
[bonus:]
17 Will Oldham, Am I Demon (Danzig cover)
faces of a million hells
The promise goes like this: say yes, and I will take away his memories. Forty years of pain erased, the guilt taken away, and your brother will be whole again. Sam says no, of course he does, with lips trembling around the sound, and he barely even means it. Later, when he lies with his face pressed against Dean’s chest, and Dean whispers ‘are you all right’ into his hair, Sam mouthes yes into his skin, fingers tracing the hand-shaped scar on Dean’s arm, and he knows Dean can see through his lie as easily as Lucifer did. I’m sorry, he thinks, I’m sorry for wanting to fail you, and more sorry still for not being able to.
Resources:
Promo pic from jraunlimited.com, textures by
elli, other resources here.
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